La Chana was a great flamenco dancer...she was in an abusive relationship that cut short her career in flamenco dance in her prime. She speaks about this in the video documentary above.
noun: flamenco
a style of Spanish music, played especially on the guitar and accompanied by singing and dancing.
literally "flemish" or "gypsy-like"
Flamenco dance requires incredible courage and authenticity, nevermind technical and musical skill. I don't know La Chana...and yet I feel connected to, and wish to amplify, her courage. We share at least two things in common --- the experience of abuse...and the experience of flamenco -- and sharing about your experiences with abuse, particularly for the first time, and publicly, takes a level of nerve even above even above the La Chana solo in the movie The Bobo below.
I was no La Chana;) But, the flamenco bug hit me hard, and offered me a voice and outlet that was emotional and physical and musical. My flamenco journey was cut short for a decade or so, through marriage.
term: narcissistic abuse
1) describes a type of emotional abuse that comes from a person with narcissistic behaviors. Can be incredibly difficult to endure and may present as emotional, psychological, physical, and/or financial abuse.
Over the course of my twenties, I experienced psychological, financial, and physical abuse at the hands of someone I held up to be the man of my dreams. This was not an overnight process, but a slow, coercive and manipulative strategy that involved replacing my own thoughts and likes and dreams and measure of self worth, with his own. He abused our animals. His own family, and mine, were all victim to his cult-like coercion. I stopped dancing and I kept the abuse secret out of shame and fear. I tried to end the relationship early on, unsuccessfully. Narcissists come in different varieties and degrees of rigor. He was the type that did not take no for an answer. The exact traits of empathy, compassion, financial independence, and selflessness within me from which I was reared, were exploited and turned against me. Narcissistic abuse is fueled by those who stay to fuel it -- and by shame and secrecy - no matter your age, sex, class, your race, your creed, your birthplace, this is happening worlwide to beautiful and worthy human beings. The best candidates to fuel the narcissist's ego are identified and groomed unwittingly..until they wake up one day tolerating so much abuse they are no longer themselves.
But this story doesn't have a sad ending.
Flamenco is about storytelling, strength, grace....and involves incredible expression of individuality. To perform flamenco requires vulnerability on the part of the dancer, singer or musician, and it involves everyone on stage, but ultimately also, everyone in the audience or community. The palos, or dance forms can take a lifetime to master...and range from strikingly beautiful...to raw and painful, like life. These are powerful antidotes to abuse, disempowerment, and isolation.
Video of me, below (forgive the quality of the video), with my former ensemble, Flamenco Sonora, performing my college thesis for a minor in dance, with my incredible musicians and audience bringing a creative vision to life.
Now, I'm stepping out....con fuerza. Literally, with a golpe (a foot stomp), to take back my power, years in the making. You are all invited. I'm dancing for myself, for my daughter, and for the trapped person who needs reminding that they too, have a dance to dance, all their own. Stick with people who lift you up to tell that story. The costume is my own healing skin, the music is my own palo that reflects passion, gratitude, and curiosity. The ensemble consists of so many in my corner who have supported my rebuilding and arrival...financially, physically, psychologically.
Ole guapa.
And to my younger self-- and all of you who know someone affected by this type of abusive relationship:
"... you were amazing, you did nothing wrong, and you didn't deserve to be treated like that, ever-! know that on the other side..you do so much more than survive - you raise a little human being with a heart as good and as pure as yours, but with more vigilance, and you find new love that transforms your heart, and you dance a life so so beautiful and true."
The box of flamenco gear I salvaged and opened up to begin the journey once again!
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